Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
