So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
