there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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