fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
