i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
