If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
