Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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