He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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