Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
