I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
