I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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