i think i have herpe
just one?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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