My room smells like vodka and shame
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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