Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ttyl tear gas
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
