Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
