I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
