there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
