I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
