Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
