So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
