Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
