I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
