he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
