When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
