i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
