i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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