Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want nice things and good sex
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
BRING THE BAGELS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
