He uses pillows to masturbate.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
