people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
