so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
