4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
