just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
