Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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