im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
