Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
