ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
