There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
