you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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