You can't special order awesome
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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