I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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