plz talk dirty to me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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