You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
