I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Found your dick twin last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
