Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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