i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
