i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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