He asked to "fluff my boner.."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
