I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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