I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
did you just send me my own nude
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
