By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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